#LeaveBrittneyAlone

Man, Russia is just the absolute worst.

The Democrats say so, so it must be true.

I mean, they are our greatest existential threat…second to Donald Trump, of course, who may as well be a de facto Ruskie.

And that is settled science!

Er…at least it wasn’t all political theater or somethi…

Regardless, they meddled in elections, have tampered with social media, and they invaded our favorite country that no one heard of ten years ago.

(That’s 1/6th more than I expected.)

But worse than all of this, they arrested our favorite sports ball payer!

Yes, Brittney Griner, an athlete that we all absolutely were familiar with a month ago, for a sport we totally all watch—

I mean, otherwise we’d be sexist, of course.

—was detained and subsequently convicted on marijuana charges in Russia. Put simply, over there, the sticky icky is about as legal as guylove and she may as well have smuggled in the homosexual agenda through her Louis Vuitton.

Or both, I guess.

Naturally, this is an outrage. Biden personally finds this unacceptable.

Because he knows that such an arrest is inherently wrong. After all, he strongly believes that marijuana should be legal.

Well, sure, but he’s since evolved from that. Like gay marriage. And abortions.

Okay, but he is saying it should be decriminalized now. So it’s good to see a president really sticking to his guns.

Eh…anyway, Russia is totally the worst!

#LeaveBrittneyAlone!